Oldest child in the family
The appearance of the baby in the family for an older child inmany cases, is not without problems. First of all, in an accessible form for his age, the older the child should be told about the birth and learn to deal with a newborn.
When is it best to announce the pregnancy?
If your child is concerned about the poorstate of health in the morning, you can tell him right away that you are expecting a baby (brother or sister). But in this case he will have a long wait, small children do not have a correct idea of the time and will often need to explain to him that the moment of the appearance of the baby has not yet come. It is possible to postpone the message of pregnancy in the second half of it, you can put off until the last moment, when the pregnancy becomes noticeable. The date of birth of the baby can be made more understandable to the child if associate it with any significant event or time of year. You can drive with your child a special calendar that will help you, or older will keep asking, when will the newborn.
Some parents are reluctant to reportpregnancy because they do not want the child to feel repressed by the wayside. However, postponing the conversation, you will not solve the problem. Try to tell your child about the pregnancy early enough to have had the opportunity to help him a positive attitude and to engage in joint training to the appearance of a newborn.
Discussing with your child the appearance of brother orsisters, give examples of families you know who have multiple children. Find out what he already knew about pregnancy and childbirth, and try to correct his error, to talk about what he knows, to answer questions. At the same time try not to overload a small child an abundance of information.
- Read books with your child about pregnancy, birth, newborn, as well as how to behave as an older brother or sister.
- Give your child listen to the beating heart babyand feel its movement. Talk to your child about the development of the fetus. Tell him that the fetus can already do (eg, hiccup, thumb sucking, hear, kicking).
- Show your child pictures and videos of the period of time when he was very small, look for the ones where you or his father care for him as a newborn.
- Let your child watches the kids and play them. Drew his attention to the fact that they are small and sometimes do not understand how to play.
- Have your child help you collect all the necessary things for the hospital. If he will have to stay with someone else while you're in the hospital, the child and prepare all necessary.
- Beforehand, a few months before the birth, dopermutation in the nursery or bedroom to the baby after the birth of the eldest child suddenly felt odd. Put a cot so that the eldest child used to the fact that the baby will sleep here.
- Allow your child to decide when and how long to discuss the coming generations and the emergence of the baby. Be considerate and do not overload the child talk about the newborn.
Separation from the mother at the time of delivery
The experience of the child during your stay inmaternity hospital depends on its age, care for them in your absence. The majority of children in varying degrees, have experience of separation experiences, and they are worried, crying, I called my mother, clung to others, often irritated, difficulty falling asleep and angry. When she returned, the majority of children very happy this, however, some children continue to behave badly and even ignored his mother. Thus, children express their fear of loneliness.
You can do much toreduce child anxiety due to your separation. In the last weeks of pregnancy tell your child that going to the hospital. If possible, go with your child to the hospital. Explain to the child, where he will live (home or away) and who will take care of him while you're absent. The child will be less worry if he is familiar with the person who will look after him in your absence. A close friend, a relative of your separation will be less painful for the child. When will labor, tell your child when you go and where are going.
If the child can not yet entirely ato care (for example, to take a bath or go to bed), then in the period before birth is greatly increased role of the father and other adult to whom the child relates well. It is desirable that the child had a clear schedule, which is not much disturb your hospitalization or the appearance of a newborn.
Think of a child visiting a hospital orderto see you and the newborn. Early communication with each other children contributes greatly to the emotional atmosphere of the family, and in many maternity hospitals such visits are allowed. Perhaps he will calm down, and you see the baby, and this visit will play a positive role. However, he may ignore you and the newborn, or it will be too stick and starts to cry when it's time to leave. And you will feel better for both of you absolutely refuse such visits. It is clear that it is difficult for a small child to see you for a short time and not be able to stay with you, but even a short meeting will please him and will help to calm down. The negative reaction of the child indicate that it is under stress, and the hospital visit gives him the opportunity to express their anger and frustration.
If the child can not visit you should contact him in any other way - to make a phone call, send photos, notes and gifts.
The appearance of a newborn in the house
Older children respond to it in different ways: temporary bursts of anger, demanding attention, the return of their children's habits, such as thumb-sucking, to give him a bottle or feed breast, wet panties, increased attention to the child, aggressive actions in relation to parents and newborn (can hit, bite, throw things ), as well as the reluctance of time to eat and sleep. Sometimes parents, who had never before encountered such behavior of their child, are greatly surprised. Often the children settle down quickly, but in some cases can take weeks or months before your child starts to perceive the appearance of normal newborn in the family.
Children of different ages react to the emergence ofnewborn baby on his own. Children 3-4 years old tend to immediately understand the impact that a newborn on their relationships with their parents, older children may take offense to the kid, feeling at the guilt and the sense of trying to hide it from their parents. Perhaps the most good way to help your older child - is to take any form of behavior. Try not to be upset. Take his behavior for granted and continue to communicate with the child, as if nothing had happened. Try to positively adjust the appearance of the newborn child in the family:
- Before the advent of newborn play with a doll showing how a child taking care of her.
- Stay alone with his eldest child, play with him in his favorite game while sleeping newborn or when watching someone else for him.
- Give an older child as much attention as possible. Not responding to his requests and comments, you thereby humiliate self-esteem of your child in such a difficult period of his life.
- If a child misbehaves, do itcomment, as usual. Do not let the older child to go over the line and break the rules of conduct adopted in the family. You should not feel guilty for the fact that in the house there is another child, and even more to show that feeling.
- Express your feelings about the restlessthe behavior of the kid with an older child, to share with him their concerns, and that you will help him to formulate and throw his displeasure loud crying baby or your constant worries about him.
- After returning from the hospital the day Celebrate the birth of a new family member with refreshments for all. Give an older child a gift and advise him to do, or to find a gift for the baby.
- If a child wants to help you to take care ofnewborn, allowing him to perform certain obligations under this age to hold the baby, change diapers, dress and bathe, feed or help the baby laugh, sing to him and talk to him.
- If the older child does not want to take care of the baby, do not force it to do so.
- Do not try to force an older child to love the kid, show tact and patience in matters of their relationship.
- Help the older child to realize that he can do a lot of things that the baby is not yet available, for example, inflate the balloons, cookies, or do the dishes.
- Do not forget about yourself. Rest when possible. This does not diminish the feeling of resentment or jealousy of the older children, but it will be easier to cope with it.
Remember that the older child is difficult, sometimes evenpainful to adapt to the emergence of a newborn, but it is part of normal life experience. Your efforts should be directed to the older child did not feel slighted, and most importantly, that it normally took the event and with your support right attitude to the newborn.</ P>