The problem of loneliness of women: one in the entire universe
- Loneliness and human uniqueness
- Loneliness in childhood
- Women's loneliness
- From loneliness to self-improvement
- Types of loneliness
- When loneliness benefit?
- My attitude to loneliness
Everyone has ever felt a painful feelingloneliness, when a lot of people around you, and talk to no one. Do not understand. At least you thought so, especially in adolescence. So instead of to solve the problem of loneliness socializing with friends or new acquaintance, you are even more closed in themselves and enthusiastically accepted self-pity.
Sound familiar? Moreover, it is believed that in most cases women suffer from loneliness at any age. And all because they are more impressionable, and the psychology of solitude close to them in spirit. But to say that men alien to this feeling, it is impossible. Many psychologists believe that they just suffer in silence, considering his feelings unacceptable weakness. What can I say! They even themselves are not willing to admit that alone, not that skilled at the reception.
If we talk about territorial divisions, themegacities problem of loneliness is felt more strongly. Long distances do not allow people to meet as often as you'd like. And great crowds is not conducive to spiritual communion. All somewhere to run, rush, jostle elbows in the crowd and did not even look back to apologize. Huge faceless mechanism absorbs people. And the man himself does not notice how ceases to communicate with relatives (once), come on family holidays (away), to cook homemade food (what if the restaurant delicious). Men and women live as if by inertia. And one moment to look around, and next - no one. Here it is - lonely. Numerous colleagues with whom you spend most of your time, live their lives. Native become estranged from you, and you just do not talk about. Empty words about weather and politics can kill time, but not alone.
In small towns the situation is better. But here, too, has its problems. For example, a person who suffers from loneliness, can not seek professional help to overcome it. We're not talking about dating services, and of psychology. After all, in order to get rid of the problem, it is necessary to determine the cause of its occurrence. And how, say, a man will be able to complain that his wife does not understand and does not hear when a psychologist - a friend of his wife? Or the guy who is in adolescence, can not go to a psychologist? In a small town everyone knows each other, so get to know someone new is not possible. How all the same to get rid of feelings of loneliness? Let's face it.
Loneliness and human uniqueness
Oddly enough, loneliness - this is our whole life. A man came in this world alone. Alone it and leave. But people find it very hard to realize this fact. They have created the institution of marriage, social society, set up high-rise buildings, where to hide from each other is impossible. And in order to be close to someone. If primitive man huddled in the community in order to make it easier to hunt, the modern woman does not cost anything to bring a carton of milk from the supermarket. But at the same time she wanted to have a family, friends, acquaintances, to feel loved and desired. And svezheubity mammoth on the threshold of the cave here at all to do with it.
In order to understand what lies the essencefeelings of loneliness, need to trace the entire path of development of this psychological phenomenon. Let's go back to the cave of time. Primitive people at first do not feel alone. They went hunting, lit bonfires and happy life. And so it went until, until one of them did not realize that the person is very different from inanimate nature. What human skin does not like, for example, the surface of the stone. Primitive thinker was shocked. The only solution that came to mind - it's unlike him to build body to the rank of divinity. Do not blame our ancestors in the stupidity and cowardice. They acted very prudently - tried to make friends with the fact that they unfamiliar. But the key concept here is not fear or cunning, and awareness of their own uniqueness.
Loneliness in childhood
As soon as people began to realize that does not look likeon the same mammoth, it began to emerge the first feeling of loneliness. And he built the habit, unlike the organisms to the rank of divinity. Here it is - one of the fundamental errors of mankind, and the main problem of loneliness. We all love to put yourself above. The nature of such. If this sin of our ancestors, then so what about us?
Tell me who people pray today? Jesus. Man. Let us assume that we have reached the boundaries of awareness of its uniqueness. First there was the inanimate nature, then animals, and then the people. People aware of their difference from the rest and .... We began to feel lonely. Because, if he - the other, not like everything, and understand it, no one can. While thinking that loneliness - it is an innate quality, it is not necessary.
Man is born, does not realize that he -one. Baby itself is quite happy (with proper care). His parents adored, idolized grandmother. It is necessary to cry, as you clean diaper, and my mother lovingly gives milk. What kind of loneliness can be a speech? But is not the excessive care for the child, and that he still does not feel the personality. When a child learns to talk, it calls itself "we" and talks about himself in the third person only. It is in society. And once in the conversation slips pronoun "I", you can be sure - the first brick to the feeling of loneliness laid.
It exacerbates this quality for those children whose parentswhich we decided to realize all your dreams and aspirations in their own Chad. Mom did not become a dancer? Daughter daily drag on dance lessons, despite the vigorous protests of the child. Dad wanted to become a surgeon? Son of a child unloved impose their profession. And if the child starts to fight back, the course is moral blackmail. Parents are beginning to remind the child about all the benefits that they gave him. You do not want to go to the dance? Poor girl. I'll pick you a new bike and give the neighbor girl. She is obedient.
The peak of this blackmail is a statement,that intractable child change for another good. Tell me, is this kid feel lonely? Of course, it will. He sees that the parents do not understand his desires and aspirations. And most importantly - do not realize its uniqueness. Worst of all, children's problems are laid deep in the subconscious and form a further character. The girl did not become a ballerina as a teenager, becomes closed. She rightly believes that if it does not understand his own mother, then what about foreign people. No, she does not interrupt the communication with the world completely. It communicates with peers friends, but the soul to no one opens. And it feels immensely lonely.
By the way, the problem in adolescenceloneliness is particularly acute. You absolutely nobody understands neither parents nor friends, nor even the teachers. Added to this distorted impressions about their appearance - and all! You're a loser, which is absolutely not one to talk. Even after overcoming this difficult period, scars on the soul, which will always remind their teens.
In addition, psychology is very lonely womanoften associated with the absence of men. Have you noticed that a divorced woman often calls himself alone despite the fact that next to her baby stroller sleeping? And when she start talking about the fact that she was not alone, a woman begins to project his loneliness and the baby, "we are not wanted." She has in mind that they do not need with the child ex-husband, but the projection is so wide that encompasses all of humanity.
What is the problem with this disease femalethe desire to have a family? No, it's not far-fetched need, how about this like men talk. This behavior is inherent nature. Look at the kids in kindergarten. At the time when the boys run around the playroom with machine guns, the girls played in the daughters and mothers. Cook the soup in a plastic pot, swaddled doll, a tiny folded clothes in lockers. They are already dreaming of a white veil and a beautiful husband. So what about grown-up girl?
Suppose that we managed to put on a wedding dress. And the wedding ring on the hand says that life is lived not in vain. But how does this oppressive feeling of loneliness? Like her husband and close, and the children grow up. Such is the female psychology - loneliness often arises in people, surrounded by family and friends. And rightly so. Very often families live as if by inertia, is not interested in mood, thoughts and actions of those who are with them under one roof. Woman lovingly prepares dinner, choosing the best dishes from the cookbook, and in response to hear house "thank you". On this subject there is a cautionary joke: the mother of the family put on the table in front of her husband and sons armful of hay, and when the men began to resent, the nurse said: "How else could I know that you see what you eat?" Is this woman felt lonely ? Undoubtedly.
By the way, very often the woman herself condemns himself toenforced solitude. Usually this happens after a failed novel, when the relationship ended very painful for the girl. Her abandoned, humiliated, hurt her. Rather than adequate to overcome these difficulties include protective mechanism, which is the cause and, summing up, he said that the men - is evil. And the woman is no longer trying to build their personal lives, believing that all end the same way as last time.
As a result, it becomes even more unhappy thanbefore. Because it interferes with relationships to create fear, and her subconscious mind yearns to love and be loved, the woman lives in spite of their wishes. And in the end, it is necessary to restore not only the ability to trust men, but also to be treated for life. But if the cause is not in the second half a man? What if someone is clearly not enough on your own? Let's look at the problems of social isolation.
From loneliness to self-improvement
Ask yourself: why others are not willing to communicate with you? Maybe it is not interesting to you? Or are you fixated on one subject, which is to say on the hundredth time, people get bored? This happens sometimes with young mothers, day and night are ready to discuss her newborn baby. As he eats, how he sleeps like holding head. And if for the first time, unmarried girlfriend willingly listen to your enthusiastic speech about the achievements of the child, then a week later they start to move away from dialogue, referring to some problems. Do not think that these same problems do not exist, and that a friend came up with them in order to get rid of you. They are. And it is not your buddy, and you. You are no longer to be interesting people. Ceased to evolve. And in this lies the problem of your loneliness.
What to do? Many young mothers are now start to tell that they have no time to study, otherwise they would be happy to learn something new and interesting. But is it? And what prevents you to take a walk with the baby a new book? While the baby sleeps in the stroller in the air, you are cultivating. And it may not only be a ladies' novel, but also a textbook on psychology or self-instruction in English. You must do everything possible to become a useful and interesting interlocutor.
Psychology of loneliness is very versatile andIt brings together a number of diverse human problems. That is, loneliness may feel, and a young mother, and the director of a large company, and an old pensioner, and even a minor student. The reasons are different. Consequence - one. And in order to get rid of loneliness, you need to determine what type of psychological problems have caught up.
Types of loneliness
- Cosmic loneliness</ P>
He can be encountered at any age. Here one feels breaking the link with nature, the cosmos. But this is only his feelings. In fact, he loses touch with himself, and this is a much more complex problem than the lack of conversation. Cosmic loneliness is seen in those who do not live their lives, sacrificing themselves for others, whose talent is not developed.
It can be like an obedient child whodo the will of the parents against their own needs, and housewife who dreamed of becoming a leading economist, but eventually dedicated himself to the family. To overcome such problems needed self-realization and defense of its own point of view.
- Cultural isolation</ P>
This feeling arises when personal valuesa person is not fully consistent with the values of society. A similar problem faced by dissidents, emigrants, people who had to go through profound social changes. Cultural isolation was very common among the elderly in the days of the collapse of the Soviet Union. The country has begun to live in a new way, but part of the community did not want to make these changes. Especially sharply this kind of loneliness experienced by people in middle and old age.
- Social isolation</ P>
When a person is forced to interrupt the connection to theparticular group, which would like to enter. This may be the work of (a woman sent on a holiday) or institution (student expelled for unsatisfactory conduct). The man in this case, not only feels lonely, but also expelled unworthy. He permanently closed in itself, over and over again in the soul of surviving their collapse, mentally replaying the situation, fingering options that, in his opinion, could save the situation.
Often a sense of social isolation aggravatedthose who are close to the injured person failed. Colleagues continue to call and cheerfully telling that the company is thriving. Students name excluded companion to a party where are actively discussing the last session. Solution: you are fired? Are you suffering? Then tear all ties with the previous place of work, to nothing to remind you of the failure. You can even change the route so as not to pass on a daily basis by an old work.
- interpersonal loneliness</ P>
It serves the cause of breaking ties with otherpeople. For example, a person has no friends. Or near it are the people to whom he can not trust. Many in this case apply to the dating service, or start to chat with strangers on the street. However, if you do not define the true cause of interpersonal loneliness, you will not be able to build a new relationship. To overcome it, seek help from a psychologist, rummage in the memory. Most likely, you prevent chronic inferiority complex. Get rid of it, and new friends will do.
When loneliness benefit?
Are there people who deliberately takethe loneliness of the pattern of behavior? Of course. It introverts. People facing inward, which does not need to communicate to feel happy and self-sufficient. Naturally, the complete loneliness introverts do not adhere. They have a family, friends. But in general they are fairly secluded life. Moreover, they can only recover one on one with him.
When solitude becomes fatal to them? Then, when the connection breaks with my boyfriend, and at any age. For example, a woman had a fight with her best friend. Or the husband filed for divorce. Suffering intensified due to the fact that introverts are very reluctant to admit outsiders into their lives, and those who are considered close, valued very highly. From this and the losses are greater than the outgoing extrovert. time and, of course, a healthy loneliness to overcome the resulting stress introvert needed.
My attitude to loneliness
Strange as it may sound, but psychologistsloneliness is not seen as the main problem - the essence is in relation to this feeling of people. Example: a woman brought up children, I marry them off and now feels uncomfortable in the empty apartment. It lacks the communication, the voices of children. She's lonely. To smooth feeling arose, the woman starts to go often to visit children in the new family to call them in the evenings. Naturally, such an attention might not like the young. There is a conflict.
And that, according to psychologists, had to dowoman to overcome his loneliness? Find yourself a new hobby. Join clubs, make friends with the same as she was. Look at how people behave in old age in the West. They have a lot to communicate, travel, throw parties, where there is no place loud music and spirits. Guests listen to old records and talking about knitting or fishing. They are happy and do not burden children with their problems. Therefore, try to love her loneliness, find the positive side is that you are currently single, and life will improve.</ P>