Aggression in adolescents. How to deal with it?
- The causes of aggression in the child
- What teenage aggression
- How does aggression in schoolchildren, adolescents
- Situational and deliberate malice teenager
- On whom the child is angry
- Who is in the risk category
- Male and female aggression: similarities and differences
- The danger increased aggressiveness or lack thereof
- How to deal with aggression
- Mistakes in upbringing or what not to do parents
More recently, cute baby laughing and pulling the handle toyou, that you hug and kiss him, and today he angrily responds to all your requests and comments? Unfortunately, that is the teenage aggression, many families know firsthand. And if time does not pay attention to this problem and does not restrain the child in the future student can do to get out of control. And then will not help neither threats nor punishment, nor encouraging.
The causes of aggression in the child
In fact, there are many reasons whyIt shows aggression in adolescence. But first, parents should understand that nowhere anger, hatred, and similar feelings do not just appear. Therefore, if you are faced with this state of affairs, you should first find the cause. And only after that you can start with an incredibly difficult struggle student character. And not the fact that you can win (re) difficult teenager.
Family education or when you missed the point?
Many experts believe that it is to blameMom and Dad, not society, environment, school, and similar factors. After all, how parents behave depends on the perception of the world is still immature physically and morally man. Teenager, unfortunately, does not always understand that adults, too, can make mistakes, deceive, stall. They respond to all very serious. And even the slightest comment can cause a tantrum. Therefore, you should reconsider how you behave at home.
- excessive overprotection
When parents do not give the student take a step,do everything for him, the teen may rebel. He wants to decide what is best, where and with whom to go for a walk, what things he needs. And adults for him - not the authority. Most often this happens if mom and dad can not agree among themselves as well as to raise a child.
- Lack of attention
Aggression for teens - it is one of the waysto attract your attention to his person. If, for example, my mother busy hiking with her friends at a beauty salon, and my father spent all his time at work, the student feels abandoned. It was only rude to his father and mother, he begins to realize that he is really like.
- Violence in family
Perhaps one of your family membersneglects the rest of the exhibits rude, dissolve hands, mentally or physically humiliated. There are two versions of why you may receive an adolescent aggression. The first - so that the child is trying to defend himself from a man who is a danger to him. In the second case, your child copies his father's behavior, grandfather, uncle, that is, the person who is the aggressor.
- The second child
Often aggression is manifested in the adolescentwith respect to his brother, sister. It seems to him that his parents love him less. The situation is exacerbated if the mother and father often praise a second baby, compare them. But even if a teenager - the only child in the family, it can be jealous of Sasha, Masha and Katya, you are constantly putting him up as an example.
Lack of money and unmet needs -it can also be the cause of teenage aggression. In this case, the child will test against this state of affairs. He wants a new mobile phone, beautiful shoes and jeans, a powerful computer, and parents can not afford such expensive purchases.
Some children try to find a job to helpMom and Dad, and others - need to buy and angry if they are not presented with a new toy. And if the parents still allocate the money and give the teenager what he wants even more student begins to show its character, testing the strength of the other.
Secured families often facea manifestation of aggression in adolescents, especially if the child never knows what failure. It is difficult to understand why you can not yell at the other, if he - Chief. By the way, students are bad not only for parents, servants, but also to poorer people.
Have you noticed that in strict families where allMembers followed by long-entrenched traditions, the children in their teens organize a rebellion. They do not like to go in the same clothes that parents do the same job, just have fun and relax. They are, in essence, are isolated from society. Classmates of people do not take in their circle, considering them freaks. And to be an outcast in society - the most difficult with which faced unprepared for adult life little man.
Biological factors: when the hormones are to blame
Typically, such changes in behavior occurin 14-16 years. In the body of a teenager is a serious restructuring begins, there is a hormonal boom. And if you do not send a son or daughter in the right direction, not to take anything serious, the child will begin to show their "I".
The first reason why it decides to do so -misperception of the world. Adolescence - the time when the student begins to form its own model of behavior. He was not the sissy, Kojima was before. And there are two ways in which can develop relationships with adults. It either starts to respect people who are older and wiser, or shows aggression towards them. By the way, the adolescent aggression can be a normal reaction to exactly the same behavior of other people.
Parents rarely notice when relations withbaby begin to deteriorate. Usually they miss the moment, so busy with more serious problems. And only when there is aggravation, Mom and Dad start to attempt to remedy the situation.
Finding herself and her place in life - thecomplex in adulthood. White and black, good and evil. During this period, young people divide the world into two parts. And there is no middle ground for them. Maximalism inherent in every person, but in this case it is too clearly expressed. Schoolboy does not wish to accept the world as it is, and trying to change themselves, their environment. And if the parents are not perfect, and they have their faults, the child pushes them.
The second reason to be aggressiveadolescents - a high sex drive. During this period, the girls and boys there is interest in the opposition between the floor. They are difficult to control and restrain themselves. But it was enough to write his son to boxing, daughter to the dance, so they splashed where the accumulated energy.
What teenage aggression
Often parents can not distinguish between aggression inteens and just in a bad mood, laziness, apathy. So, for example, if the student does not want to talk to the father or mother, it does not mean that he hates them or trying to ruin their lives. Perhaps he was having some problems, and he is afraid to talk about them. Panic should be lifted if the child:
- He is trying to cause moral or physical harm to the victim;
- hurting animals, intentionally damaging objects and living organisms.
Thus, the teenage aggression - itdestructive behavior of the child, which is wholly or partly contrary to the prevailing social rules and norms. Furthermore, this person is trying to destroy, harm animate and inanimate objects, cause disruption or psychological imbalance.
The child can express different feelings. It can be as ordinary depression, and an explosion of emotions. If the student is always calm and flexible, this behavior should alert the mother and father. This state indicates that the student accumulates or aggression, or he is just not able to defend their point of view. And in fact, in both cases it has implications.
How does aggression in schoolchildren, adolescents
Teenage aggression manifests itself in different ways. Somebody insults classmates, someone needs to prove his physical superiority. Some try to offend those who are weaker, others only sharply respond to comments or tips. It is necessary to know the behavior of the child is not only at home but also at school, on the street with friends. Have you paid attention to the way he relates to other people. So, based on this there are several types of aggression:
Physical aggression teens is probably the mostdangerous. The main purpose of such a child - to inflict pain and harm to another person. The problem is that the student may not even be aware of his mistake. He will beat the victim until he lost consciousness, with no feeling of guilt or regret later. No wonder it is considered that the most terrible tyrant - a child.
Think that verbal altercation with adults andthe same age - not such a terrible sin? In fact, some angry saying children can bring the victim to a nervous breakdown. Suffice it to say a group of senior pupils classmate that she was - a terrible, stupid, thick, and so the list goes on, the child can not stand. Often such "jokes" and bullying leads to suicide.
As is usually manifested in verbal aggressionteenager? This may be a rebuff criticism of other people's actions or behavior, swearing, anger, ridicule, resentment, hatred. Often a schoolboy shouting curses or threats against other people.
The man was taken out of themselves, according to theirrelation to the other by means of movements, threatening grimaces, facial expressions. For example, a teenager may show obscene gesture, fist Scorch discontented mine. Often this is accompanied by profanity.
Child responds directly to the object,which makes him unpleasant feelings: anger, resentment, anger, apathy, hatred. This can be used as a physical (beating, mutilation) or psychological violence (insults, threats).
The aggressor is not disrupted in the originator of his poormood, and people or objects that are not able to respond to it. For example, a student put a deuce. When he got home, he could hurt his younger brother, little animal home, breaking a favorite toy.
Situational and deliberate malice teenager
Why is the child being aggressive towardsother people? Always if he is to blame and whether to punish him if he was broke? The fact is that sometimes in the fights, screams and tantrums of his forced circumstances. Therefore it is necessary to understand first, what was the cause of this reaction.
- Situational or reactive
Imagine that your child is rude totransport, school or shop. How did he react to such behavior? That's right, the teenager will try to give a verbal abuser resistance. Only in rare cases it can remain silent and avoid conflict. In this situation, we can not say that the child - aggressive and overly emotional. Yes, he behaved correctly and not entirely correct. But how would you react to this situation? Each person, regardless of education and social status, has the aggression.
- Targeted aggression or the accumulation of emotions
If a child is rude constantly fights at school,offends others, do not respect their elders, it means that he is aggressive. This behavior is not considered normal. In this case, the student need expert help. If aggression in adolescence will be directed in the right direction, you will be able to raise a true leader. Such a person will be easier to adapt in any difficult situation. He easily subdue the whole team and will be a good boss. If all let things slide, in the future, the child can do crime. It will be interesting to humiliate other people.
On whom the child is angry
Plays an important role is aimed at anyoneaggression. People often mistakenly believe that students can only harm other individuals. The problem lies in the fact that young people often blame themselves for all the troubles and conflicts, angry at their appearance, character, demeanor. There are two directions of aggression:
Shkolnik relates to aggressively around himpeople, animals and things. He fights, insults, humiliates and other experiences from this special pleasure. Often the child is using inappropriate language, do not hesitate with brothers, sisters, and older persons.
In this case, teen aggression is directed notto any outsider, namely himself. Often, students commit suicide or they appear serious illnesses caused by psychological disorders.
Who is in the risk category
- The boys and robbers
Single mothers is difficult to educate andmonitor sons. Excessive love and guardianship of the female half of the family, the lack of male attention and strong paternal arms - all this leads to the fact that the child feels the king. He is no one contradicted earlier, so why is now lecturing?
Also at risk are teenagers, fatherswhich they are tyrants and aggressors. At the same time women in this family do not have the right to vote, they always and everywhere obey others. Son in such circumstances try to confront the Pope. And if an older member of the family does not suppress the rebellion, and will not break character, the child will be an exact copy of his father.
- Girls Rebel
With representatives of the fair sex caseIt is completely different. Aggression in adolescents appears if the authority in the family is a mother. The father in this case too lenient. The girl begins to copy the behavior of the rough, assertive, domineering woman. Plus, these daughters grow up very poor housewives who can not eat or cook or look after children, and in the house they always perpetual mess. They are accustomed to the fact that it fulfills all the man.
The second category - children, left to theircurrently. And aggression - an attempt to survive in this, to be honest, not really a just and friendly society. Talking to the guys in the yard, she learns to fight back people. Gradually, that attitude is manifested in the family.
Male and female aggression: similarities and differences
For some reason, assumed that the boysaggressive and meaner girls. This misconception has developed due to the fact that the schoolgirl is not so clearly and openly show their feelings. They prefer to dismiss the rumors pour pepper in underwear, but not hit at all. Unfortunately, in recent difference becomes less noticeable.
Perhaps you've noticed that the guys show theiremotions at once. They are difficult to control and restrain themselves. Nursed a grudge and to act on the sly - it's not for them. Plus, it plays an important role in this case, public opinion. So, for example, if your son hurt his father says that he gave the date. Daughters also begin to explain that from such persons should stay away. You never know what can happen.
Another difference - the way of aggression fromteenager. The fair sex prefer to avoid physical violence. As mentioned above, it is easier to insult, humiliate. But the strike - is the last thing a girl will go. After all, it can get change. And schoolgirl before understand that the word painful wounds. They learn how to find the weakest point of each individual, and then hit right on target.
The boys do not have so much talent. They do not show aggression dot, as do girls, and mass. Who caught his arm, he is guilty. In the course are his fists and suffering and the surrounding people and things. Man, for example, can break up the phone on the wall, hit the door by hand, etc.
Now let's analyze the example of behaviorteens. So, imagine a situation where a girl like a neighbor's party. It can take away his pen and cute pose faces, blinking his eyes. Schoolboy try to take this thing, cursing, or even taking power. Punished, of course, the boy, as they found that he is the initiator of this conflict.
Thus, girls are the instigators, andBoys - innocent victims of circumstances. The fair sex like men bang their heads, while remaining on the sidelines. Watch much more pleasant than to engage in similar activities.
So, before you punish a son or daughter forfight, find out what was the cause. Listen to both sides, and only then make a decision whether or not to punish the teenager for aggression. If you do so, you are able to establish contact with the released of a child control.
The danger increased aggressiveness or lack thereof
As mentioned above, in this period, adolescentHe begins to move away from their parents, trying to do everything yourself. And if, for example, the father will be too much to forbid a child, son or daughter will do anything to spite. Act should be gently and gradually.
You need to understand that this does nota five-year kid who needs constant care and guardianship. Child needs to grow up. Of course, let go immediately on the free bread is not necessary, concessions should be done gradually. Do not forget also that the student need to communicate with their peers. Only with them, he mastered communication skills, learn how to make friends, to love, to command, to resolve the problems. Your same role - watch from the sidelines. Believe me, the teenager will turn to you for help when it is really needed. You - his rear and support.
If you will develop a trusting relationship withchild, even during the rebellion, he will turn it to you. But in any case, do not force it, do not keep talking about the fact that he would prefer to conceal. Think of yourself at that age. Have you ever wanted to Mom and Dad knew about the first kiss, intimacy, smoked a cigarette, drinking a bottle of beer.
Do not get bogged down on the pupils, if itI told you about these things, from which the hair is standing on end will melt. If you start to criticize, yell, punish, then the next time you no longer be notified. And learn about the events in the life of the child you from the neighbors, teachers, friends. The unpleasant prospect, is not it?
Do not try to suppress aggression in fullteens! Point it in the right direction. It is only because of this sense of people become champions, leaders and winners. The man who never gets angry and does not show any emotion, can not show their Ya But be careful that the child did not go on a dangerous path. Often unrealized power of spills at the most inopportune moment. That is why in our world are so many murderers, people with broken destinies and suitsidnikov.
You think you quiet son, who fliesIt does not hurt? If a teenager - a good boy who helps at home, and her grandmother through the expensive transfers, and an excellent student, and an example to follow, it can one day break. Such restraint is fraught nervosa, mental disorders.
How to deal with aggression
To begin to understand that the power of nothingdecide. You will come across a wall that lined the child. And to destroy it would be virtually impossible. Find out what causes aggression in adolescents, and then try to make contact with students. Try to talk to the son or daughter quietly, without raising voices. It will set up a child in the right way, it will start to listen to you and will not respond sharply and rude.
If your child tries to speak, notinterrupt it. Let him speak. It was only after the speech stream (abuse) stops, you can start a conversation. Remember, he also has the right to show indignation, irritation, anger, distrust, and similar feelings as you do.
As mentioned above, it is necessary to find ways tofor a splash of negative emotions. To the son did not come home overwrought and evil, to submit it to the athletic training. Boxing, athletics, dancing, swimming, football - all help to get rid of the accumulated emotions. If a child is hyperactive, the only way he would be able to receive a discharge.
What if you can not cope withchild, he does not want to touch or you have doubts about its adequate perception of the world? In this case, without the help of a specialist is indispensable. You have to walk the whole family to a psychologist to understand that you do not.
Mistakes in upbringing or what not to do parents
Unfortunately, in school and college we do not teachJust as the right to found a family, to raise children, to establish contacts with people. As a result - we act blindly, make a lot of mistakes, which are almost impossible to fix. This also applies to our kids.
But there are a number of rules, which need to knowgood and loving parents. So, for example, so as not to cause aggression in adolescents, should avoid conflicts. Believe me, in most cases, if your parents do the same, you would not have responded better.
- Negative rating
Speaking to the child that he is stupid, bad, evil, and so on.d, you humiliate him. In this case the teenager perceives your words, as an incentive to action. And if you constantly criticize him, the student will begin to make you all out of spite. Only a few have tried to correct, prove that parents are wrong.
- ridicule shortcomings
Speaking of her daughter that her excess weight, youIt originates in a bunch of complexes. In no case can not be opened and all the talk about the shortcomings of children. You will be pleased, if my mother will tell you a secret to your husband that you are under 16 years old suffer from enuresis or playing with dolls.
How about this earlier, not a single personI do not like when it is compared with the more intelligent, successful, beautiful. This causes a protest in the unconscious teenager. Remember once and for all: your child - is different, this is no more. And perhaps, in some it is worse than others. But he also have some talent.
By the way, this behavior can cause parentsaggression among adolescents in relation to the man whom the praise. So do not be surprised if your son does not like an excellent student, and the pride of the whole school. It is better to say every night, that the baby - your joy, you will love him as he is, with all its flaws and weaknesses.
You can not swear, to sort things out with her husband atchild. Otherwise, he will be rude to someone who is weaker in the family, repeating habits and manner of communication aggressor. If mom and dad always consult with each other, make concessions, do not blame the mistakes others and not shift the care of the home, just as a child bude behave.
By following the above rules, you will be able toavoid aggression in adolescents. Last, but most important advice: try to always put yourself in the place of the student. What would you do on the site of his son, if, for example, being bullied at school. What would you do if you took away the other half, as happened with your daughter. Only reversed, you will be able to come into contact with children.</ P>