How to improve the self-esteem of a teenager?
- How do you know whether the self-assessment underestimated?
- What to do in any case it is impossible?
- How can you help your child?
Being a parent - is not only an honor, but alsotroublesome and responsibly. And to be the parents of a teenager and did - ordeal. Still, it is no wonder folk wisdom says that the little kids, little bedki and kids - big bedki. In adolescents, the problems with peers, the first unhappy love, then even what evil befall. And that parents should be there to help and support their grown-up child.
But all the problems in adolescenceone article will not tell, so today we will focus on a specific problem, namely how to improve the self-esteem of a teenager. Surely the issue of interest to many parents, as the adolescent self-esteem - the most vulnerable spot. For an in-depth introspection typical teenager, and always subjective - he manages to find a shortage of 333, and in most cases completely fictional.
And in that case, if there are real disadvantages- For example, overweight, glasses or poor school performance - even extinguish the light. Where low self-esteem, always different complexes. And what could be worse for the developing individual than an inferiority complex? Therefore, the main task of parents - to raise this same evaluation, thereby having protected his fragile psyche of unnecessary shocks.
How do you know whether the self-assessment underestimated?
Unfortunately, parents do not always understand,that the self-esteem of their son or daughter is understated - often teenagers all their experiences carefully concealed. But in order to help your child, you must first understand whether there is a problem itself. Attentive parents and do not need to say anything - they all guess. To make things easier, we offer you a series of questions that will help clarify the situation. The more questions you will give a positive response, the greater the problem.
- Your child is reluctant to go to the contact with peers, for fear of being ridiculed?
- Teen quite disturbing and often amenable to panic?
- The child refuses to try something new for yourself, because the advance confident in failure?
- When he got to do something good, the child believes that it is random luck?
- Your baby depends on the opinions of others?
- Have your child's role models among their peers?
- The child avoids attention on family holidays?
- The teenager refuses to participate in school activities?
- Walk with your friends child will prefer the evening in my room?
- The child never or very rarely and reluctantly shares with you their success, thoughts, anxieties and experiences?
Of course, one - two positive response canbe a coincidence, therefore, to raise the alarm early - just watch the child. But if the positive responses of three or more - teenager need adult assistance. And if the parents do not react in time and will correct the situation, you will need professional help a child psychologist.
What to do in any case it is impossible?
Very often adults find lowself-esteem, trying to find the answer to two famous question - who is to blame and what to do? And very few people comes to mind, which is primarily in low self-esteem of the child are to blame in the first place parents. Thoughtless word, unjustified punishment do you think an innocent joke - all this can be the beginning of serious problems.
Therefore, learn what to do carefully anymeans impossible and remember well. It is very likely that these undesirable elements "education" to some extent inherent in you. So:
- Do not criticize a child
Criticism, of course, necessary. But criticism is only constructive! In no case did not go to the child's personality, even if he is very angry you are. For example, the teenager once again you disobeyed. Most everything he hears saying "you are unbearable!". Replace it with a statement on the other - "your behavior has become intolerable." That is, the criticism should be directed to undesirable actions of a teenager, but not on his personality!
- Do not skimp on praise
Unfortunately, we are all quick to violence, especiallyif it is a child. But praise from parents to wait is not so simple. And very much in vain - if you do not regularly praise their child's self-esteem is unlikely to be high enough. Of course, with the washed plate for a compliment every time - it's overkill. But if you at least once a week will note, what is your helper, baby is sure to appreciate.
- Do not focus on the exterior of the shortcomings
As a teenager, his attitude towardthe exterior of the most critical. Parents should be especially considerate when it comes to the appearance of the teenager. No criticism and even comments in a joking manner - even if there is a reason. Maximum - a very discreet remark, and even better advice.
- Do not compare your child
It is a big mistake, which often allowparents - a comparison of his child with his peers. Especially if this comparison is not in favor of the child. For example, a child is wrong, who brought yet another three, cite as an example of his classmates, who gets some excellent marks.
How can you help your child?
So, we figured out how to understand thatteen low self-esteem and how not to aggravate the situation. Let us now understand how this most teen self-esteem increase. In fact, this is not such a difficult task - at least for the parents. Often mum and dad complain that their grown child is very remote and imprisoned in itself. Adults think that they are for a teenager to lose its former authority. However, in reality it is not so! The child is still very much dependent on your mind, so everything is in your hands.
- Keep an eye on the outside of the child views
Flawless appearance of a teenager - it is veryan important issue that parents need to keep under control. Timely haircut for girls - nail polish, fashion clothes - yes, all of this requires a lot of costs, but to save on this is not necessary. Children - being cruel, especially in adolescence. Therefore, the savings on jeans or jacket money can be a price to pay for peace of mind son and daughter. Although, of course, this does not mean that you should completely indulge all the whims and buy things from the latest collections of fashion world name - everything must be reasonably and in moderation.
By the way, about the style of clothing - alwaysListen to your child. Your ideas about teen fashion can be very different from reality. Allow yourself to choose a teenager things. In extreme cases, slightly Adjust this choice - gently and unobtrusively. Believe me - if you do it right, the child self-esteem increase will not take long.
- Help the young person to achieve something
If you want to increase the self-esteem of their child? Help him find a reason to be proud, because it certainly is, just a teenager does not see it. Perhaps your son is interested in playing the guitar? Buy him a good tool and give the money to the individual teacher. My daughter is interested in photography? Give her a good camera and support its initiatives. Many teenagers write poetry - a collection of print! Let it will be only 10 copies, but he will! My daughter loves to cook? Well, ask her to invite friends and have a party. In any child is a spark, the main thing - to see her.
If you succeed, the baby very soonearn recognition among peers. And it is unlikely that it will be able to raise the self-esteem is better than this. And who knows how to turn life? Perhaps this is teenage infatuation becomes a matter of the entire life of your child?
- Teach your child to say "no"
Too many people do not even realize thatself-esteem can be increased to several points, if you learn to say "no." This is true for a teenager - if it can not anyone to deny anything, he will feel a slave that does not contribute to high opinion of himself.
Incidentally, virtually none of the people,that low self-esteem, can not refuse. He believes that by helping others, it becomes more important for them. In fact, barely, alas, is not it - people just shamelessly use this "friend-friend." But the respect they accrue. Moreover - very soon people start to perceive this assistance granted and simply pluck. As a result, the adolescent self-esteem drops even lower. So, dear parents, teach your children to respect themselves and to refuse, if they try to exploit.
- The material side of the issue
I do not live by bread alone. All of us from childhood were taught that wealth - is not the most important thing in life. However, the current reality dictates its own rules. We have already mentioned that you can not save money on baby clothes. However, in addition to clothes from the modern child has other needs.
For example, a mobile phone, the player, a computer,Eventually. First, all of these things are really necessary for the normal life of a teenager. And secondly, it is also a matter of prestige - a child who does not have all of this is likely to quickly tease peers. Believe me, about any self-assessment in the present case can not be considered.
- Sami child's respect
All of the above ways to boost self-esteemteenager, certainly effective. But they will be completely useless if you are your child will not be respected. Dear Mom and Dad! To begin understand one very important thing - your baby yesterday today already quite adult. Adult person, with his desires, ideas and potential, though still not fully realized.
And this person you have to respect, acceptand seriously reckon with its opinion. The fact that you do not under any circumstances allow yourself to humiliate a child, we have already spoken. But beyond that, it is important to make it clear to your child that you think its equal. In family councils always consider the child's opinion, occasionally interested in his opinion about a particular issue. And, most importantly, from time to time do as advises the child - even if it is not always correct. The main thing is that the child will see evidence of its importance.
If you follow all of the recommendations havenecessarily will increase the child's self-esteem. Of course, it will not happen in one day, but patience and a little effort. If after two or three months, you do not notice improvement, should refer to a child psychologist. And it does not mean that you have to take the child to receive under escort - very often sufficient to call parents with a psychologist, who knows exactly how to improve the self-esteem of a teenager.</ P>