The manifestation of love in adolescents 14 years and older
No wonder people say - "small kids -bedki little. " As soon as your baby grows yesterday, there are more and more troubles and problems. Yesterday my mother was looking for answers to questions related to the education of the child. And today she is frantically looking for any information about the phenomenon as a manifestation of love in adolescents 14 years and sometimes even younger.
No matter how much parents have denied that theirthe child grew, and as it is not driven by the idea itself of a possible love teens, and even more so about teenage sex, it is not possible to avoid virtually anyone. Do not believe me? And try to stretch your memory and remember yourself at that age. Surely, you remember your first love - so pure and white, when it seemed that this love - forever. A choice or fiancee seemed the most ideal people in the world.
So why do parents hear that theirchild faced with his first love, they refuse to believe in this fact and take it for granted? Often, parents are beginning to prove your child that he is too young for love, that is - not love, not listening to any coaxing and persuasion of his child. But that's not the worst thing that parents can do.
Much bigger mistake that is enoughcommon is mocking child's feelings. The consequences of this line of parental behavior can be very sad. And understanding and loss of contact with the parents of your child is not the worst option. Sometimes, unfortunately, a desperate lover teen may even try to attempt suicide. Especially if this is the first love will be unrequited.
Also, very often the reason for the disagreementIt becomes itself elect or chosen one of your offspring. In almost all cases, so it happened long ago, but the choice of the children of their parents do not like. Those parents who are a bit wiser than the rest, all the criticism about the choice of a son or daughter prefer to keep to themselves. However, unfortunately, most often parents on the emotional input, especially not when choosing words and phrases, saying the child what they think about his second half.
As a result, in the building is becoming a severeintense psychological atmosphere - the parents are never-ending discussion in the spirit of "not his mama raised berry" baby snaps. Agree - not very bright prospects. And in order not to be in such a predicament, the parents must be fully prepared.
It is often the case in such a way that allparental dissatisfaction and concern are completely justified. Tragically, as it were, this would no parents, the social circle of modern teenagers is big enough, and it includes not only positive for boys and girls.
Why - it is very often teenagers choose theirthe second half of the so-called Antipodes - people completely opposite of his own. Look around - surely you recall a few couples in which partners, at first sight, seem completely unsuitable to each - other. Boy - Excellent, studios of the university, meeting with undereducated and quite licentious pupil of the senior classes. Or, on the contrary, the girl - the Komsomol, Pioneer and simple beauty of the soul is not in the first sponding bonehead and yard bully.
Sometimes, their friendship and relationship are absolutely innocent, anddo not bring absolutely no harm to the adolescent. But not always, unfortunately. How many times teens, trying to be like his second half, started to smoke, tasted alcohol and even drugs. But this is not an exhaustive list of what can be drawn a child caught in a socially disadvantaged environment.
That is to the best of their opportunitiesparents can prevent such a situation, to support their child's moral, but where it is really necessary to control their children, or on the contrary, to give him a little more will, and you need to know all about things like falling in love teens.
Signs of love teen
Children and family psychologists in one voiceThey argue that adolescence is one of the most difficult for the child, and for all the surrounding adults. This is not surprising - it is in a child's transition to adulthood is actively starting to show a character trait, as a teenage negativism.
It is manifested in the fact that absolutely all the wordsadult teenager begins to call into serious doubt, to try to refute them, not in the debate, but in practice. Mom says that smoking is harmful to health? So, we need to see through the smoke and half a year, that would happen. The Pope said that houses should be no later than ten o'clock at night? We must try to come to 11 and see what happens.
In addition, almost all teenagerssome point it begins to seem that adults too strongly climb not only the soul, but in the child's life. Especially if your adult behavior only confirmed his suspicions. There are several major taboos that violate psychologists is not recommended:
- Do not rummage in the children's things - things pockets, bags, desk drawers. Remember that the child is likely to perceive this behavior as an expression of distrust of parents to him.
- The same is true for mobilephones and computers - it is not necessary to climb on them. Believe me, if your child - a teenager wants to watch porn videos, he and so they will look, not at home with friends.
Otherwise, your child will be closed incurrently tighter than a clam in its shell. Even in the case. if the relationship among parents with children just perfect, in adolescence they are still trying once again to the parents in his life not to let. And so to find out that your child is in love, most attentive parents can only on the basis of love, because the child is unlikely to be able to hide all of your thoughts and emotions. Thus, these features include:
- The residence time of the child's home
In the event that your child before he could round the clockaway to spend with a book or a computer, and in recent years have increasingly began to vanish away from home, returning later than usual, it may be a sign that he fell in love. And all his spare time, of course, he tries to spend with his passion.
In this case, parents blunderbans will spend time away from home. The child begins to violently protest against such a ban, and could just hate you. Of course, after some time this hatred will disappear without a trace, but long enough hassle provided both by the parents and the adolescent.
It is much more reasonable to give the child a little morefreedom than usual. Although, of course, and about reasonable boundaries to forget in any case can not be - it is inadmissible to allow the teenager to come back in the morning. However, let me go home to his son or daughter at least an hour later than usual. Believe me - he will appreciate your trust!
- Increased talk time on the phone
Often, when a teenagerthere is a guy or girl, they begin to spend more time talking on the phone. And in that case, if the earlier a child with no - or carelessly talking on the phone in front of you, and now he tries to leave the room, or at least move a bit away from you, so you will not hear the conversation.
And many parents are very worried about thisoccasion, believing that the child hides from them something criminal. However, in reality, the majority of all these conversations is essentially completely harmless. A child goes just because, thinking himself quite an adult, tends to a certain autonomy and independence. Do not worry about it - very soon this aspiration will be consequences, as soon as the disappears youthful maximalism.
- The request to increase the pocket money
Typically, this point is valid with respect toboys. This is not surprising - because luckily, no matter what kind of emancipation and other "charms" of modern life, yet still quite a lot of these representatives of the stronger sex, who prefer to pay for the cost of visits. And parents should be happy that they were able to raise a real man, even yet, and very young.
Try as material possibilitiesyour family still allocate a little more money to his son, so that he could take his girlfriend in a cafe, or even trite to pay for her travel on public transport. Otherwise, the child will begin to independently investigate the possibility to find the money.
And when you consider the fact that not alwaysa teenager can make money, parents should seriously consider. There is no guarantee that your son starts to steal money from you. And it is in the best case and the worst son might be involved in a variety of illegal activities, and as a result it have quite serious problems with the law. I doubt whether you want it?
- teenager Humor
Changing the mood of a teenager can alsotestify to his love. Moreover, these same changes can be very different and opposite. In that case, if the first mutual love, the child feels a certain euphoria, is always in a good mood, it is very difficult to mess up.
But in that case, if the object is not sympathyHe said teenage love in return, the picture may be quite the opposite. The child almost always is depressed, may be waived by walking, eating. Girls as young people are a lot of crying. Of course, parents should at this time to try to help your child, but remember that the perception of the world in adolescents still quite not the same as in adults.
And if an adult woman, separated from hispassion, despite the crying, happy to discuss with a friend all his shortcomings, and to agree that he is a complete bastard, then a teenager, in response to an attempt to specify the shortcomings of the parents of his chosen one, can be closed completely in itself. And even just an attempt to mom or dad to comfort a child can cause a reaction of protest. It is much wiser to try to distract the child.
For example, if you have the opportunity to sendwhere a child - a rest - a change of scenery is very good at helping people, even adults, not to mention the impressionable teenagers. Or buy him what he wanted for a long time - the computer, the new phone. And especially do not worry - whatever mortal wound did not seem sincere child, very soon he will calm down and forget my first unrequited love.
- Appearance teenager
One of the most characteristic features thatTeen everything - still in love with is his attention to his appearance. Even yesterday, your son is not particularly concerned with the purity of his shoes, and today they can look at oneself as if in a mirror? Your daughter is no reason, no reason at the beginning to ask you for permission to repaint the hair? All this is cause for parents assume that their child is in love.
It was during this period also often occursufficiently serious conflicts between parents and children. This is not surprising - of course, if the child has become more carefully monitor their appearance, it will only be a plus. Often, however, the teenager spends very real experiments with his looks - hair dye in unimaginable shades pierces various parts of the body, wears clothes unimaginable.
Of course, few parents can safelyand silently watch the likes of experiments, without criticizing the child. However, such criticism is unlikely to have the desired impact, but to spoil relations with the child, even the probability is very high. So try to take the child with all its experiments - very soon they will be, as they are just one of the unavoidable factors of growing up and finding yourself.
If we tolerate such a very very creativeunbearable, try to offer a child to go to a beauty salon and go shopping together. Perhaps in this way you will be able to at least a little to adjust the appearance of the teenager. And by the way, about shopping - try in this period to save on wardrobe of your child, otherwise he may develop serious enough complexes. And children are sufficiently violent creatures - tease stand out from the crowd of a child who does not have this or that fashionable things for them is absolutely normal practice.
- The advent of contraceptives
Sometimes it happens that parents are completelyaccidentally find adolescent contraception. Usually, most often it is the boys found condoms. But the girls also often possible to find the means of contraception - condoms are the same, or even birth control pills.
This situation is twofold. On the one hand, there is nothing good in the fact that the child started having sex too early. And it is quite natural that the first is the desire to become parents rush to throw a terrible scandal to the showdown and the search for the perpetrators.
However, before you do that, trycalm down and think clearly. What you will achieve a scandal? Virginity for your child will not return with all your wish. But the relations, once again, can be spoiled completely.
Psychologists recommend to parents to pretend thatthey did not notice anything ... enjoy. One can foresee stormy objections of parents - say, what is there to rejoice? And the fact that your child was quite reasonable and far-sighted to take care of its security. Not all teenagers, the onset of sexual life, think about their own security same in principle.
But do not relax and should not be -all the same your child is still young enough, and hardly aware of all the dangers that can be fraught with sex. Try to inadvertently make the child has received all the necessary information. As you do this - it does not matter. You can leave a prominent position corresponding thematic literature, for example.
Of course, this list of possible signsteenage love is very conditional. Often these changes occur in adolescence, regardless of whether the child is in love or not. In addition, psychologists say that most of these symptoms should alert the parents, particularly the disappearance of money from home and the constant fluctuations emotional background of the child. In some cases, this may indicate the presence of a child is quite serious problems, until the drug.
And generally considered to be so - the moretyped attributes, the higher the probability that the child is really in love. And very often the best way to learn it will be an open question to the child. However, as you remember, if it does not want to answer it, do not insist and try to get into the child's soul - can only push him away.
How to behave parents?
As you can see, the changes inAdolescent love is almost always, and sometimes quite significant. How parents react to this situation? Let it take its course and not interfere? But the above mentioned that the first love sometimes can lead to very dire consequences.
Interfere? However, here the parents can watch for pitfalls - the child decides that you do not trust him, or extremely patronize. This also often leads to various conflicts. Tragically, very often parents are the path of least resistance - simply forbid your child to communicate with the object of love. And little things like damaged relationship with his son, did not pay much attention, thinking that everything will work itself out.
However, this tactic of behavior is not the mostcorrect. At first glance, everything can go completely unnoticed. However, in reality this is not so - the child simply - simply hides his resentment deep in the subconscious. And do not then, many years later, to wonder - why your child is doing you "ceremonial" courtesy visits several times a year, writing off on a terrible time.
However, this is not the most unpleasant of all,what can turn out such a course of conduct. As a rule, almost all children, without exception, in adult life, becoming parents themselves involuntarily on a subconscious level will repeat the line of conduct of their parents. So, and their mistakes.
To avoid such a situation, it is very important to behave in this situation. There are several tips psychologist to help parents behave correctly. So:
- Get to know the object of sympathy for her child
If you are lucky, and you know exactly to whomlove your child, try to get to know him. Encourage your child to invite the elect or chosen one home. And note - completely useless to arrange a family dinner. Children are too young, and so arrange "bride" completely useless.
Relationship is necessary in order to betterto know a person. Very often when meeting is so that the person is actually much better than it seemed at first glance. And who knows, perhaps, for the appearance of the cheeky girls with purple hair hides quite modest girl who is trying in this way to fulfill your potential. And for the appearance of Man - the bully - a young man who catches every word and look of your daughter, ready to fulfill her every wish, and to protect from the slightest danger.
- Meet with friends child
In a very advantageous position are those parentswho know your child's environment. Try to get to know all, or almost all of his friends - and you'll have at least a rough idea, in any social circle rotates your child. This means that you will already know roughly what to expect and what to prepare.
However, be prepared for the fact that in order tomeet with friends, baby, you have to resort to some tricks. It is unlikely that a child will lead them to you one by one to explore, as if questioning. But in the event that you are organizing a party for the son or daughter and their friends, for sure you are out on a great opportunity not only to witness firsthand the almost all loved ones, but also to pass for understanding and, as the younger generation of "advanced" parents.
However, remember that it is unlikely that children willfeel comfortable under your tireless control - give them a little freedom. Stay a while and go to the movies or to visit - leave teenagers alone. Believe me - nothing bad will happen to them. But your child will certainly appreciate your trust in him, and in every way to try to justify it, and not to lose. And your relationship with the child like a little holiday will affect the most positive way.
- Refrain from criticism
It may well be that at the meeting you justmake sure that you were right, and the other half of your child is very far from ideal. However, do not take the time to inform his daughter that the man is not worth her little finger, and his son - his girlfriend just empty. Thus, you will not achieve anything, but only alienate a child from himself. Furthermore, your child to spite you even more time to spend with the object of sympathy, even if the interest held by itself, naturally.
But talk to the child not to be openlysuperfluous. Try to gently ask the son or daughter what their so attracted to the chosen one or beloved. In no case do not scoff at the arguments of the child and try to really understand and accept them. Perhaps these arguments are not so naive and stupid.
- Do not lecture
Another very widespread mistakemany parents is the conversion of confidential talk with your child in a banal reading notations. Agree, very few people will like the situation when it comes to a loved one with a desire to talk, but instead of the board, or at least understanding, gets didactic sermon.
So, how hard you would not help"Soul-saving" conversations, in any case do not fall rush. Be sure to listen to the child, try to give him a really correct and good advice if he needs it. Remember that first love will pass quickly enough, but extremely difficult to restore the lost confidence of the child, and at times impossible.
- Allow the child to fill their "bumps"
Of course, none of the parents do not want theirthe child had to make mistakes. And then pay for these mistakes, sometimes quite seriously. But do not do it in any case! How would you do no want to protect the child from all dangers that can trap him on the long road of life, you can not just physically.
So maybe it does make sense to givechild the opportunity to make a mistake and buy their own life experience, even if the minimum? At least until the baby is close to you, and you will be able to provide the necessary assistance. And later, when the child grows up, it may happen that help you in such situations it nothing can. So why risk it and to deprive the child's opportunity to gain experience and grow up?
- Do not interfere in the relations of adolescents
Under no circumstances should never attempt to makeefforts to ensure that young lovers quarrel. And, unfortunately, many parents are practicing such a course of action. Intrigue, gossip, slander, libel - parents are willing to do anything, just to embroil young people.
However, it is very fraught with negativeconsequences. If you try to configure a child against its second half, and their relationship will remain strong, you risk to be for both of them the number one enemy. And in this case, be prepared for what you will be shunned and avoided. The child will try to fully protect your privacy on your presence.
The reaction of even the most innocuous question like"Where are you going?" Will cause the child a desire to snap. The child begins to hide from you all - your computer, phone and personal belongings. Very soon the family life begins to resemble a battlefield, where the opponents will become parents and the teenager.
Particularly fraught with such a turn of events fordaughter of parents, and for herself in the first place. Often there are cases when a woman is deliberately very early pregnant by her boyfriend, and as a result 15 - 16 years, parents have to either give their consent to the marriage, or at all to send the daughter to have an abortion.
But this is not the best solution. Firstly, the first abortion, and even at such an early age, it is extremely negative impact on the health of women, and on the functioning of her reproductive system in particular. Do not focus on the medical aspects - probably all know about them well.
And secondly, your daughter is going through an extremelycomplex life span. Hormonal changes, but still the first love is the most real explosive mixture that makes the girl is absolutely unmanageable. It is simple - simply pack up and go away to live with her boyfriend. And consider yourself very lucky if your daughter's choice would be a quiet boy who lives next door, and the parents you meet regularly at a local store.
And if not? If you have a very vague idea of what kind of person the guy whose love your daughter? Suddenly he lives, where necessary, works part-time, doing not much - the works of the law, or hiker? Think - where you will look for the daughter in this case? But such stories, unfortunately, are not at all what - the horror stories of parents, and there are, and there are, unfortunately, not uncommon.
In that case, if you would still be able to achieveits purpose and your son or daughter to part with their passion, they can blame it for you. Often, even after many years, the children's resentment makes itself felt - a child can be periodically, as a rule, during the quarrel or conflict, you remember that your action.
- Tell your child about his first love
If you absolutely refuse to acceptthe choice of the child, remember that. What notation and morals in a conversation in any case inadmissible. So try to go the other way - tell him about his first love. And do not skimp on is the word - tell us as detailed as possible: his feelings and emotions at the time, about the experiences, plans and hopes for a first date and first kiss.
Try to speak as a possibleconvincingly, that the child felt the sincerity of your words. And then tell him how and why this love is gone you how you met your true love - his second parent. Moreover, it is highly desirable that it was told by both parents - and mom and dad.
Why do it, you ask? A similar stories in any case you could not help make a child think about that. It is possible, and his first love is not forever. After all, the child's life is just beginning - and who knows how it will develop further. However, in no case do not give examples of other people's lives - to what point to a neighbor girl who gave birth to a baby at 16 and raised him alone. A similar example is likely to perceive a child as an ordinary regular "lecture" on the subject of morality.
- Increase the child's self-esteem
More often than not, to a child separated fromthe passion, the parents elect the following tactics: they begin to try to discover the slightest flaws in the beloved teen. And be sure to discuss them vigorously with each other, but to hear about this child. And sometimes the baby is also constantly point out to them.
But such a strategy is doomed to failure -love people usually notice little around. And especially never see the flaws in the object of his love. It happened. That love in general is very prone to idealization partner. Do not believe me? Think of yourself at the peak of love.
And your child will just be denied eventhe most obvious negative aspects of love object. Moreover - he probably thinks that you especially slander to embroil them. And it will almost inevitably lead to a huge amount of confusion, misunderstanding and conflict between you and your child.
It is much wiser to act on - to another. Do not abuse the object of a teenager in love. And praise the child. Praise as often as possible. Praise for any trifle, albeit sometimes a little exaggerated - your praise is very important for the child, because it allows him to feel much more confident.
And if the child is self-confident, inreliance, that he is smart, handsome, well-dressed, he and the boys and girls will be judged about as well. And he always carefully evaluate the guy or girl. And it may well be that he will re-evaluate their values and parted with her first love.
- Try to be a friend for your child
No matter how the situation evolved, remember,that in the first place should be a good relationship with your child. Try to become a true friend to him, to which the child will be able to address in a difficult moment for him, and get advice and support, instead of moralizing and condemnation.
Believe me - you can give your child a lotmore useful advice and keep him from jumping to hasty actions and errors much more efficiently than it exactly the same young and inexperienced friends. And only depends on you whether the child will turn for help this is to you, or else go with their feelings to friends.
Whatever it was, but the parents, they want to orderor not, we must accept the fact that the time has come, and the child has matured significantly. They need to accept this as a given, and taken into account by building a line relationship with the child. After all, the process of child growing up has just begun, and the first love - it is only the first test, not only for you but also for your baby.</ P>